Today we live in a very difficult era.
Which is, the pressure is getting bigger and continues to increase day by day. Starting from rising prices for basic necessities, increasingly difficult jobs, endless traffic jams, stingy bosses and many more. The great pressure on us seems to provoke greater anger, in the end the mood in ourselves becomes so out of control with anger that often explodes. Not to mention when you go home and do your duties and obligations as parents.
The behavior of children who are difficult to control and cannot be counseled, sometimes can make us provoke and just spit out anger. Yes, in everyday life, there are always things that stress and frustrate us as parents. In the midst of this confusing condition, problems arise from the child, starting from losing his socks, or maybe remembering to buy the textbooks that the child asks for, while the time they have is urgent, or maybe the younger siblings and older siblings who keep going trapped in a fight that ultimately makes us angry.
Now, when faced with problems like this, when our souls are calm, of course we will be able to control anger and deal with the child better. However, the conditions of the burden of the mind that are so many, as well as the pressure that comes from various parties, make us stressful and we often justify taking out our anger on children, especially when children are part of the source of the pressure.
So, is it fair in our attitude to make children easy targets for the resentment and anger we feel when they make some mistakes that are not really that big?
Even though the child’s behavior often makes us so annoyed, but actually that’s not the source of your anger can explode and reach its peak. When you see the child behaving in a certain way, for example, if he is attacking his younger sibling and you then conclude that the child will later become a psychopath and then this conclusion leads you to the next conclusion that you have failed to be a parent is something you should not think about.
Thinking of this kind will be able to trigger a series of emotions such as fear and feelings of guilt in you. When you are not able to accommodate these feelings properly, then the final method will be chosen is to take the frustration out on the child.
Be aware, the entire psychological process takes only a few seconds. However, the result that your anger causes has a big impact, which in the end makes you explode and curse your baby. Maybe it is true, the child annoys you and tests your patience, but understand that the child is not the cause of your angry response.
The way to solve a problem comes from what we have learned previously. Try to reflect on what you have experienced from your previous parents. When you were a child, your parents would probably do the same thing when you made a mistake by scolding and scolding you. However, you clearly feel that this has caused you to experience psychological “wounds” due to mistakes in the parenting patterns your parents gave you when you were a child. For that, it is not wise if you repeat the same mistakes against your baby today.
Why Can We Be Angry With Your Little One?
Parents and children have a very unique relationship, where both of them can provoke each other’s anger even because of trivial things. As adults, it is not uncommon for us to act irrationally when we are dealing with children. And even we can act so childish with them. Likewise with your child. Maybe it is true, your baby can be very annoying and so tests your patience, but realize that they are the fruit of your love that you care so much about.
A psychologist stated that the above condition is a phenomenon which is also known as “ghosts in the nusery”, namely a situation in which the child can arouse feelings of anger that have been hidden from the childhood of the parents. And this unconsciously makes parents show a response in such a way as to “fight” the anger.
The anger and fear from childhood is so intense that the parent has the challenge of getting over it. Now, by understanding all these things, it will be able to help parents to control their anger. Understanding that a parent’s anger can seriously “hurt” their children psychologically will help you control your emotions towards them.
How to deal with anger towards your child
1. Be very aware of the consequences
When the child continues to discuss with the advice you give them, then take a step back from the “battle” that you are having with the child. Take a step outside of the house or away from the child, take a deep breath and try to focus on how to reduce your bursting anger.
Be very aware of the impact and the consequences if your anger explodes on your little one. In essence, never be affected by the baby’s whining or crying which will make your anger even worse. Remember again that they are the fruit of your love that you should protect.
If you feel calmer, then you can come back out and talk about it again with the baby.
2. Find the Reason for Your Anger
When there is resentment and anger in your heart, take your time to find the reasons why you are angry right now. Sometimes, when someone feels pressured by their work at work, it makes them flustered more easily and in the end they will release the stress and depression they feel in their baby.
3. Ask Others for Help
Generally, a person will feel more depressed and will get angry easily when they don’t get enough rest. In this case, for example, a working mother who is tired of working in an office and has not had a break while at home has a 3 year old toddler who is often fussy.
Thus, to avoid your anger exploding at your baby, don’t hesitate to ask for help from other people such as your mother, your younger sibling or maybe a neighbor who has free time to take care of your baby in your home. However, never leave your baby to the children who are still young. This of course will put the baby’s safety at risk.
Stress, load of mind and pressure are some of the sources that will make anger explode easily. When you are too busy working at work or at home, maybe you need a refreshing or a break. In this case, the vacation you can get doesn’t have to be in the form of an expensive vacation by visiting luxury places. By relaxing in a place that smells of nature with shady trees, the fresh air will make you feel more relaxed and calmer so that anger will be muted.
It is not wise, of course, when pressure and stress attack inside of us and make us vent our frustrations on small mistakes made by children. For this reason, it is hoped that some of the things above will be able to help you find a solution to your anger.